Easing Childhood Separation Anxiety: Practical Tips for Parents & the Nanny

Is saying goodbye in the morning a heartfelt moment for you? Parents, do you find it emotionally challenging to leave your little one with a nanny? Nannies, do you sometimes encounter emotional ups and downs with the children at the beginning of your day?

This form of anxiety is not only common but also a natural part of child development.

It reflects the strong emotional bond between the child and the parent, and it’s a sign that the child identifies their parents as a source of comfort and security. However, it can pose challenges for both parents and nannies as they strive to ensure a smooth, comfortable transition that minimizes stress and emotional upheaval for the child.

Separation anxiety can be a difficult emotional hurdle for both children and adults. Parents and nannies may feel helpless and frustrated.

Among many goals, Super Nanny Certified aims to equip nannies with effective strategies for managing separation anxiety, with secondary advice for parents to harmonize the transition.

Nannies

When holding a sobbing child, nannies often feel a mix of empathy and pressure during transitions. It places a deep responsibility on them to bridge the gap of comfort and security. At times, nannies may feel overwhelmed or inadequate if they can’t immediately soothe the child. They may also experience fears concerning job security if their primary interaction with their employers and the children is filled with tears and fears.

This highlights the need for shared support and understanding between parents and nannies, recognizing that the child’s anxiety is a natural phase of development that will likely diminish as they mature.

Suggestions for Nannies

1. Build a Strong Rapport with the Entire Family: Before taking over, spend some quality time with the child while the parents are still around. Familiarity can help the child feel more secure.
   • If the child displays symptoms of anxiety, ask to come in a little sooner so that the child can consciously or unconsciously recognize that you are “one of the gang” and doesn’t only associate you with the sad times the parents are absent.
2. Create a Goodbye Ritual: Establish a consistent and positive goodbye routine. It can be as simple as a hug or a high-five. This signals to the child that it’s time to separate but you’ll reunite later.
   • This can also look like a special time with a special toy. Take a toy that they love and bring it out at goodbye time. After the parents give their hug goodbye, the nanny can give the child the toy and celebrate it. This way they don’t associate goodbye hug with the doom of separation, but the celebration of a beloved item.
3. Distraction Techniques: Engage the child in a fun or interesting activity as soon as the parents leave. This will help divert their attention away from their immediate feeling of loss.
   • I suggest distracting during the point that the parents leave. Play a song and dance while the parents quietly slip away. If the act of leaving is “out of sight, out of mind,” the reaction could be severely limited.
4. Maintain a Structured Environment: Kids find comfort in routine. Stick to a schedule similar to what the child is used to with their parents.
   • My favorite time for a parent to slip away is during breakfast time when the child is already distracted by the eating routine. The more they have to do, the less likely they are to focus on the separation.
5. Open Communication: Use simple language to discuss feelings. Encourage the child to express themselves and assure them that it’s okay to miss their parents but they’ll also have a great time with you.
   • It is also helpful to always reiterate that the parents will come back. Describe the exact time they will be returning so the child can anticipate the reunion.

Parents

Separation anxiety can be emotionally taxing for parents as well, often evoking feelings of guilt, concern, and sometimes even doubt about their decision to leave their child with a nanny. It’s a bittersweet experience, caught between the necessity of fulfilling adult responsibilities and the desire to comfort and assure their child. For many parents, it serves as a poignant reminder of the deep emotional bonds that make parenting both challenging and rewarding.

For those struggling, remember, it is a phase and it is an important milestone for children to learn.

Suggestions for Parents

1. Prepare the Child: Talk to your child about the new arrangement and how much fun they’ll have with the nanny.
   • Even if some children may be too young to fully understand the exact situation, initiating the practice of explaining to your child is a beneficial habit to develop. This open communication is often emotionally healing for both parents and children alike. Remind them, and yourselves, that you will come home.
2. Transitional Objects: Allow your child to keep a familiar object with them, like a blanket or a toy, to comfort them in your absence.
   • Assigning children small tasks can be advantageous. For example, when giving them a comfort object, you can ask them to take good care of it until you return. This not only reassures them that you’ll be coming back but also provides a positive activity to focus on, shifting their attention away from the separation and towards something constructive.
3. Gradual Introduction: Initially, leave the child for shorter periods and gradually extend the time.
   • A routine is key and once a child learns that they can count on your return, they will slowly transition out of the anxiety period.
4. Unified Front: Ensure you and the nanny are on the same page regarding rules, routines, and ways to manage emotional challenges, including separation anxiety.
   • If you know your child is being comforted in a way that you align with, your own anxiety at the separation will be mitigated.
5. Check-ins: Periodically call or video chat to see how things are going, but avoid doing it too often as it may heighten anxiety.
   • Check-in with your nanny before you do this. Often, a call with the parents can start a fresh tantrum and renew the entire cycle. Make sure this is the best thing for the child.
6. Make a Clean Break: Once it is time to leave – go and don’t look back. Take comfort in knowing that you will be coming back.
   • The nanny is the one left picking up the pieces. If you prolong the leaving, you prolong the tantrum, which extends the nanny and the child’s stress. Take comfort knowing that they are doing their job and working to calm your child down and the sooner you leave, the sooner they can start.

The Takeaway

Separation anxiety is a common but manageable challenge that many families face when introducing a nanny into their home environment. With open communication, structured routines, and emotional support, nannies and parents can work together to help children adjust to this new life change.

By implementing these suggestions, nannies can become a source of comfort and security for children, thereby easing the emotional toll of separation anxiety. Parents, too, can rest easier knowing they have left their child in capable and caring hands.

Image by Eleanor Smith from Pixabay