Parents, do your kids hate the nanny? Nannies, are you dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil during your shift?
In the sphere of childcare, nannies often become the unsung heroes, providing essential support to families and offering children affection, education, and stability.
However, the road is not always smooth, and nannies may find themselves facing the challenges of resentment, rudeness, and disrespect from the children in their care.
It’s essential to acknowledge these feelings and explore practical and compassionate behavioral solutions.
Understanding the Struggles
Children might experience a myriad of emotions and feelings toward their nannies, and sometimes those are of resentment or anger. Parents and nannies alike need to recognize that this situation is not always a reflection of the nanny’s capabilities or the child’s inherent attitude but may be a manifestation of the child’s feelings of vulnerability, confusion, or a longing for their parents. Let’s be honest – they want their parents.
As a nanny, understanding that these emotions are not personal can be the first step toward addressing and resolving them.
To the Wonderful Nannies
If you are a nanny experiencing these issues, take a moment to recognize the importance of your role, and know that your feelings of frustration and sadness are valid. Addressing these emotions can be a strenuous journey, but with patience, empathy, and clear communication, a resolution is attainable.
For Parents
Parents, your role in this situation is crucial. Children look to you for guidance on how to treat others, and your support can make all the difference in fostering a respectful and loving relationship between your child and their nanny. Open communication, regular check-ins, and a united front between you and the nanny in terms of rules and expectations can alleviate tensions and clear the air of misunderstandings.
If your child is mistreating your nanny – this is a situation for YOU TO SOLVE. Do not be complacent regarding acts of disrespect.
Behavioral Solutions:
- Communication is Key: Encourage the child to express their feelings openly and honestly without fear of retribution. It is crucial to understand the root of their resentment to address it effectively.
- NANNIES: Listen with an open mind and allow their feelings to be heard. Often, their resentment is not stemming from you personally, but from reactions to situations beyond their control. Express how their actions are hurting you to encourage an empathetic exchange of the consequences of their actions. Share that you are there to keep them safe and support them, but it is hard to do with hurt feelings.
- PARENTS: Listen with an open mind and allow their feelings to be heard. Use this as a teaching moment to explain your absence, maintain that it has nothing to do with a lack of love, and encourage kindness.
- Consistent Boundaries: Ensure that both parents and nannies establish and maintain consistent boundaries and expectations. Children feel more secure and behave better when they know what is expected of them.
- NANNIES & PARENTS: Consistency is key. If the nanny is the only one maintaining behavior boundaries, and the parents are complacent, of course the child will develop resentment towards the nanny. However, when everyone is the “bad guy” then everyone also gets to be the “good guy”.
- Team Approach: Work together as a team, with the parents and nanny presenting a united front. This approach reinforces respect and consideration from the child towards the nanny.
- NANNIES & PARENTS: Add in additional (paid) time where everyone hangs out together. When the child recognizes that the only time the nanny is present is when the parents are absent, they will unconsciously and consciously react negatively if they still hold a preference for the parents.
- Positive Reinforcement: Utilize positive reinforcement to encourage good behavior. Acknowledge and reward respect, kindness, and cooperation.
- Professional Guidance: In challenging situations, don’t hesitate to seek professional advice from child psychologists or counselors, who can provide additional strategies and support.
The struggles nannies face when dealing with resentment from children in their care are significant, but with understanding, communication, and the right strategies, these challenges can be overcome. Ensuring that the child feels heard and understood, while also maintaining clear and consistent boundaries, can foster a respectful and loving relationship that allows both the nanny and the child to thrive.
Image by Alana Jordan from Pixabay
