How to Bond with Children

Connecting and bonding with your child can be difficult. Here are some helpful pointers to creating a meaningful relationship. 

There is a lot to be learned from the groundbreaking book, “The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.” Written by Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, this study has been ongoing for over 80 years and examines the lives of hundreds of individuals to understand what factors contribute to long-term happiness and well-being.

We applied the study’s findings to parenting, drawing upon key aspects such as relationships, emotional wellness, healthy lifestyles, mental health, and personal fulfillment.

One of the fundamentals that this study focused on was dedicating special time to meaningful relationships.

In the busy hubbub of modern life, this can seem like a fantastical idea while we are drowning in emails, schedules, meal prep, and meeting the needs of multiple children while simultaneously trying to meet your own needs as a caregiver.

Try not to get overwhelmed by the entire marathon of parenting, and instead focus on the baby steps that can be taken every day. In the scope of 18 years of parenting, that leaves you with 6,570 days of your kid’s childhood to make moves. In other words, you have 157,680 hours to improve your child’s life by taking the time to cultivate a meaningful relationship with them.

Cultivating Meaningful Relationships:

When interpreting the 80-year-old study, Waldinger highlights how meaningful relationships impact over-all happiness:

1. Social Connections and Support: Having people who can offer emotional support, understanding, and companionship during both joyful and challenging times is vital for overall happiness. Children will learn that they are not alone and do not have to face adversaries alone and unprepared.
2. Health Benefits: Maintaining healthy relationships can reduce stress levels, improve immune function, and even contribute to a longer lifespan. By offering comfort and being a safe space, your children learn that they can come to you in their later years when the stressors of life can be potentially dangerous.
3. Emotional Well-being: Meaningful relationships provide a sense of belonging, intimacy, and emotional fulfillment. Having someone to share experiences, express feelings, and receive empathy and love contributes to a deeper sense of happiness and contentment. By showcasing to your children how you will show up for them, you become a role model for them to mimic in their own future relationships.
4. Life Satisfaction: Sharing life’s joys, achievements, and challenges with loved ones enhances overall happiness and well-being.
5. Emotional Support during Difficult Times: During periods of adversity or crisis, having supportive relationships can act as a protective factor, helping individuals cope with stress and bounce back more effectively. Introducing this to children at an early age instills in them the tools to make this a common practice for the rest of their life.

Sure, this all can seem obvious when interacting with a blog post, but how should you apply it? These strategies are designed to help you contribute to and showcase healthy family dynamics, develop strong friendships, and foster community connections that can contribute to children’s overall well-being.

Strategies for Cultivating Meaningful Relationships:

1. Quality Time: Allocate dedicated one-on-one time with the child regularly. Engage in activities that the child enjoys and actively participate in their play. This focused attention helps build a strong connection and shows the child that they are valued and important.
   • PARENTS: This can look like each parent swapping individual time with individual children so that both parents have a unique bond with each child.
   • NANNY: Take advantage of when other children are in a scheduled activity and design your time with the other(s) to be personally impactful.
2. Active Listening: Practice active listening when the child communicates their thoughts, feelings, or experiences. Give them your full attention, maintain eye contact, and respond empathetically. This conveys that their thoughts and emotions are heard and respected, strengthening the caregiver-child bond.
   • ALL CAREGIVERS: Avoid interrupting, managing their emotional responses, and offering unsolicited advice. Sometimes the kids just want to be heard. If you try to manage the situation too much, they might get frustrated and stop coming to you in times of strife. This bleeds into the next concept:
3. Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication by creating a safe and non-judgmental space. Allow the child to express their thoughts, concerns, and ideas without fear of criticism. Respond with kindness and understanding, fostering trust and deeper connections.
   • ALL CAREGIVERS: As the children get older, on appropriate occasions, discuss aspects of your own life. Walk them through how you are approaching stressful situations and your own personal responses. This will allow them role model situations on how to communicate and respond to similar situations. This will also foster a relationship of mutual trust and respect, allowing them to feel like a prominent member of your family’s community.
4. Rituals and Traditions: Establish special rituals or traditions that the caregiver and child can share together. It can be a weekly game night, cooking together, or bedtime stories. These consistent and enjoyable activities let your children know that you are dedicated to them and your special time together, making them feel important.
   • ALL CAREGIVERS: Make sure you are fostering a community. Make a list of activities for your special dedicated time and allow the child(ren) to vote on the option that they are most excited about. This allows you to present activities that you will also enjoy that can stay on schedule and budget. The less stressed you are, the more jovial the entire experience for everyone.
5. Respect and Validation: Show respect for the child’s autonomy and individuality. Validate their feelings, opinions, and choices, even if you may not always agree. This fosters a sense of empowerment and strengthens the bond of trust and understanding so they will keep coming back when they need you.
6. Emotional Support: Be attuned to the child’s emotions and provide support during challenging times. Offer comfort, reassurance, and help them navigate their feelings. This support builds emotional resilience and deepens the caregiver-child connection. It also provides them the tools to recognize emotions in the future which can bolster their overall emotional abilities.
7. Appreciation and Encouragement: Acknowledge and appreciate the child’s efforts, achievements, and positive qualities. Offer praise and encouragement sincerely and specifically. Celebrating their milestones and strengths helps them feel valued and nurtures their self-esteem. Often children will unconsciously seek attention by any means necessary. If they are already getting positive attention, their need to seek it through negative means will likely be diminished.
8. Flexibility and Adaptability: Recognize that every child is unique, and the caregiver’s approach may need to adapt accordingly. Be flexible in adjusting strategies to meet the child’s evolving needs, preferences, and developmental stages.
   • ALL CAREGIVERS: Share your insights with each other so that everyone can stay on the same page. Flag parenting responses that bolstered or undermined individual situations so that everyone can encourage happy interactions or avoid problematic responses per child.

Remember, building a meaningful relationship takes time, patience, and consistent effort. By incorporating these strategies, caregivers can foster a strong and nurturing connection with the children in their care, promoting their overall well-being and happiness.

Our mission at Super Nanny Certified is to present the best ways of interacting with children to promote their overall well-being.